My husband has a job he will not give up even though it causes me great stress and his traveling causes us to be apart at least 60% of the time. This has gone on for 22 years. I didn't know he was a workaholic when I married him because we were both in University.  I don't believe in divorce. I love him but I feel like a single parent.  All attempts on my part have fallen on deaf ears. I have raised 3 daughters almost alone.  At this point, I have exhausted all possibilities to make him change.  Any suggestions? Thank you.

Dear Love My Husband But Not His Job:
     Well, your situation certainly is NOT unique, sad to say.  Whenever I think I'm working too hard and ignoring my family and think, woe is me, I have to be away from my family so much, I look at the truck drivers zooming past me on the highway on holidays and weekends and late at night, and I think that is there life until they retire.

     We've known a few people who just pack it in and decide family is more important than the job and they trim down to meet their new income and live happy as clams thereafter.  Those are in the vast minority, however, because when push comes to shove, the money is good and most of us are addicted to the lifestyle which that money brings.  For your husband, he can't figure out how to care for his family in the same manner and quit his job.  And he can't do his job properly without traveling I expect.  So, those are all the negatives, what can we do about it?

     I assume your kids are out or just about out of the house.  Can you join him on business trips from time to time?  Take an extra day or two on either end of his business?  If you did that 3 times a year or so that would give you a little of your life back.  Can you help him with some of his paperwork so when he is home he has more time to spend with you, and maybe you'll have more to talk about if you know a bit of his business.

     Telecommuting is the way to go these days, and maybe you can find ways to suggest he could do a few of his trips by phone or e-mail - if he just dropped a trip a month, that would help.

     Not to be a salesman, but buy him a couple of our Workaholic do-dads, or the Survival Kit, just for laughs and to plant the thought as he looks at those things and subtly reminds himself that he REALLY does work to hard.

     Set a plan for when this will all be over.  So work this hard with the plan that he will retire early and you'll be able to really enjoy your retirement starting at an early age.  Whether it turns out that way or not, at least thinking about it makes it more possible that it will happen.  Work your butts off, but retire at 55.

     And finally, don't pressure him.  He's in a spot he doesn't know how to escape from.  I'm the same.  OK, fine, I'll slow down.  Now, which one of these important projects shall I put off for 6 months - smile.  Which one of my bosses should I tell to take a hike because I'm "building a life."  The same people who tell me with passion to slow down, call me a day after they give me a project and want to know when it will be done.  I expect if he could quit and maintain the same income and spend lots of time with you he'd love to do that.  My dream job is the Walmart Greeter, but my wife can't live on $6/hour and neither can you.

     I wish you good luck and hope that some of these thoughts might help a little bit.  If they stimulate another thought feel free to E me back.  Your husband is lucky to have someone who cares enough to want to spend more time with him and hopefully he realizes that.

Dr. Workaholic